We are Singga-poh

Last night, I caught "Real!Talk", this Channel NewsAsia current affairs talkshow hosted by the oh so admirable and ballooned-up-in-a-charming-way, Diana Ser. With Singapore's birthday coming around the corner, it's no surprise seeing what the episode's topic was gonna be: "What is so unique about being Singaporean?"

Amidst yawn-worthy answers like, "For better or for worse, Singaporeans are known for being kiasu," and "Singlish is what defines us when we are overseas," I couldn't help but recall this strikingly witty article I had once read in... brace yourself... Manazine (yes, the controversial magazine which seeks to "redefine men's lifestyle". In other words, for the uninitiated, it's a magazine catered mostly for homosexual males. No, I'm not THAT homophobic, just being a curious and jakun cat. That's all. Meeyow.)

And ever since my candidature in University life, I've learnt a new equation: Being Gay = Having Pure, Witty Intellect. This explains why the article titled "What Unites Us As Singaporeans" intrigued me so tremendously - it's been etched in my mind, possibly eternally. Heh.

And so, I have chosen to digress a little from pursuing my career aspirations (neverending online job applications, more like it) to include in my entry, the article I've been babbling about, since I figured it's thought-provoking in a light-hearted way. Here goes!

What Unites Us As Singaporeans?

At lunch, you start discussing what to eat for dinner.

You think Singapore is the education hub for Asia, yet you value overseas degrees higher.

When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an accent. (If you're a DJ, this happens even when you're not speaking to foreigners.)

You're forever talking about businesses you want to set up but will probably never get around to starting.

You want Singapore to be the media hub for Asia, yet you do not allow an Emmy Award winning series on TV. (go figure!)

You think being an entrepreneur is setting up a bubble tea/Portugese egg tartgao luck/porridge shop right next to an existing bubble tea/Portugese egg tart/gao luck/porridge shop.

You separate food into 2 basic groups: "heaty" and "cooling".

You marry for the real estate breaks.

You have kids for the tax advantages.

You move to where you want your child to go to school.

You feel you can't walk around naked in your own flat. (context, people... context)

You force your child to take Speech and Drama classes, but pray they won't wind up in Arts later on.

You find it impossible to make suggestions without drawing a fishbone chart first.

You think people are inconsiderate when they don't leave their table immediately after eating at the food court but think you have every right to take 25 bites to finish the last red bean in your ice kachang.


It actually makes a difference to you being called an "NSMan" rather than a "Reservist". (Is that true, guys?)

You've eaten more times at the Esplanade than you've actually seen shows there.

You need campaigns to tell you how to be courteous, to flush toilets, have sex, etc.

You always feel oddly hungry at 11pm, and are willing to drive to far away places for supper.

You'll gladly spend $100,000 on a car, but will go to great lengths to save a few bucks on ERP charges or even a few cents on a parking coupon.

You work at McDonald's when you're old rather than young.

You've started to refer to foreign employees as "talent" instead of "expatriates".

At the dinner table, you're always discussing which other food places serve better versions of what you're eating. (oh so true!!)

You think your boyfriend doesn't really love you unless he gives you part of his liver. (Nice one there. Great that they made it together though.)

No matter how old you are, you keep associating people with their secondary schools. (Right, Kotak? Hehe.)

You believe you can generate "creativity" through rules and committees.

Your mother probably can't speak your "mother tongue".

You'd rather drink your own pee than pay someone more for water.

You have an automatic censor in your head which categorises people you meet into stayer/quitter/cosmopolitan/heartlander/normal/express/gifted. (Talk about social construction of reality!)

You can never quite remember what "the core values" of Singaporeans are.

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So yeah, that's as much as I can digress for now. Ciao chinchao!